Emmy 2011 Recap #2: Breasts, Ta-Tas, Bazooms, Puppies, Girls--Yep, It’s a Boob Post

(Posted by A)

Boobs can make or break a dress, so we thought we would recap the good, the bad, and the ugly of Emmy Carpet BOOBS! Who did a great job containing the ta-tas? Who needs some lessons on What Not To Wear? Read on!

The Good
1) Sofia Vergara:
WOWSA this woman has a body. She can, however, have a tendency to show a little too much boob on the RC. I thought her choice of dress for the Emmy's was fantastic - it shows off the breasts, but in a classy way.

M: I totally agree. I thought she hit the nail on the sexy hourglass head. Is that gross sounding? Grow up. I was having fun with word play, not being pervy. Everything about this dress worked, not to mention that fabulous poppy color, which stood out among the overwhelming reds around her. I also love the variation on that one-shoulder look. There's something very simple and subtle about this dress that just steps Ms. Vergara up above her own previous looks. Though she's just flippin' gorgeous, so, have at it, lady, boobs or not.



2) Rashida Jones:
I am never one to like strapless dresses. Personally, I feel they look wrong way more often than they look right. However, the bodice of Rashida's dress is great and there is no sagging. Well structured and well supported.

M: A very safe RC look, to be sure. However, a great example here of the "Good" A is discussing. Lovely. I love the criss-cross on that bodice over her boobs. And the color is pretty, if reminiscent of blush and bashful.
 


3) Adrianna Palicki
In other good bust-line cut news, this is a sweetheart neckline done just right. Her bodice looks amazing and fits like a glove!

M: I agree whole-heartedly, though I have no idea who this Adrianna gal is. Again, I love a halter and what it can do for the neckline/shoulders. This is the exact right cut/cup for her (ahem) size.



4) Amber Riley:
Full Bust Adjustment (FBA) done well. Christina Hendricks, take note:

M: She really looked fantastic. And to tag along on the FBA train, I think she *always* gets it right in this department. CH can/should take note by looking back at lovely Amber's full RC portfolio.



5) Julie Bowen (aka Claire Dunphy):
I was so happy to see the Dunphys both win an Emmy. Although I will say that I think Julie Bowen needs to eat a cheeseburger or two because she is getting that rib-tastic look, this dress was daring but not trampy thanks to a lot of double-sided tape. This is a dress made for a smaller bust (duh!) - and Julie works it.

M: I have no additional comments on the dress, because A sums it all up. However, how uncomfortable and awkward does Claire Julie look here. She needs to take a posing class from Lea Michele or Evan Rachel Wood. Also: Three Cheers for the Dunphys!



The Bad
1) Julia Stiles:
This is a beautiful dress. A great color, nice use of lace, good construction. However, please focus on the left breast. FLOPity FLOP. Banana boob at it's best.

M: I don't know why, but I have a weird distaste for Ms. Stiles usually. I'm not sure what it is. I wanna like her. Anyway, in spite of that, I thought she looked lovely last night. That is, until A pointed out Ol' Floppy Flop over there. Is it the pose? What could make that happen in such a one-sided manner? I like the lace though.



2) Jane Lynch's Red Carpet Dress:
This is a beautiful color choice for Jane. However, there is not enough support in the bodice to give Jane a boost. TOO much space between shoulder and bust - the dress looks like it is about to fall off, which leads me to bring up the other thing I dislike about strapless dresses - they seem to lend themselves to the frequent tug and yank to avoid a Janet Jackson "incident."

M: Yes. I totally agree. I also think this dress is so forgettable! Especially in light of that great sparkly dark silver number in which she started the show. Best of the night for Jane, that one was! Though her makeup looks fab. And I like that cuff.



3) Ariel Winter:
How old is this girl? This dress is way too mature and boob-tastic for her.

M: I emailed A about this as I was watching last night because I was horrified that little Alex Dunphy was so boobalicious. She clearly blossomed over the summer. I think we should mail her a copy of Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret. That book helped me out. TMI? Sorry. Too booby and age-inappropriate.

Ooh! M. Good book placement! Is it bad that part of my wanting to name my first-born daughter Margaret was because of this book?

M: Not in the slightest. I'd expect nothing less. And now I'm a little jealous I didn't think of that.



The UGLY (aka Boobs Gone Wild)
1) Christina Hendricks. SHOCKER. M & I actually wrote the banter for this dress well before we saw it just because CH always has the same problem: those knockers. I will never figure this out - they seem to contain and tastefully accentuate them ALL OF THE TIME on Mad Men. CH's character, Joan, is a KNOCKOUT. However, on the red carpet - the girls always seem ready to KNOCK someone OUT. I will say that this is a step in the right direction for Christina - the dress is great and had they done a FBA, it might have even fit her.

M: I have to admit I was a tad disappointed last night when I first saw her, because it wasn't *as bad* as I was expecting, given that we already had copy ready to go for a post on CH. That said, good for her. Those puppies are way-better-wrangled here than usual, and I think she put in a concerted effort to achieve that. I like the color on her beautiful alabaster skin, too. HOWEVER (and I recognize that this is straying off the boob-path)... her hair looks a disheveled mess, her makeup looks a tad crazy, and her one eye looks droopy, maybe? My notes also indicate that on TV her teeth looked gross... But B+/A- on the boobs! 



2) Brooke Burke
This picture does not really show how the dress was barely holding on when Brooke Burke moved.

M: I disagree. I think this picture shows quite well how barely-held-in those ladies are. Also, the hair.



3) Retta.
Another one who needs a lesson in FBA from Amber Riley. We were looking for another "Ugly" boob contender when I (M) recalled in a flash this moment from last night's carpet. It's understandable that I didn't remember it explicitly, though, and had to go digging, because obviously I was blinded by the color and knocked out by an un-harnessed boob attack brought on by the total lack of chest support from which Ms. Retta is clearly suffering. There's a bruise where I got hit, but it's healing. My eyes are seared, though, and I have to wear sunglasses for 12-14 days to let my corneas heal. At least I have cute sunnies. I like Retta, though... Maybe Amber will host a class for those beautiful well-endowed ladies and we'll never have to have this discussion again after this RC. A, what do you think?

A: I honestly did not have any notes on this woman and while we were searching for ugly boobs #3, M sent me the link. I think "Blinded by the Light" started playing the minute I opened that link. SHAZAM.

Best/Worst: Emmy 2011 Recap #1

As promised, here is the first (of likely several) posts co-written by my friend A and me in response to last night's big awards show: The Emmy's. I mentioned Friday that A and I historically (and consistently) do this privately over email after every. single. major. awards. show. I wager to suggest we haven't missed a big one in the five-ish years we've known each other.

So first, some background. A (curator of Cape Cod Makeover) and I met and clicked in a book group here in Chicago that I joined when we first moved here and I knew... well, I knew Dave in Chicago, and that's it. I joined as a way to a) read and discuss books which I nerdily love doing more than life itself, and b) to meet like-minded people. If we clicked you know A's on-board with both a) and b). We also knew we were sharing a brain when we insta-bonded (without words) over this one chick in the book club who proudly declared each month that she "knew this was the book club for her when at her first time attending they spent the entire time discussing Us Weekly and leggings," or something like that. She proceeded to bring up Us Weekly and that same story every month. A and I regularly shared eye rolls over her appearance in the doorway. Too-soon after said clicking, A moved back to Wisconsin with her then-fiance to get married and settle down (good for her, bad for me and reason b) for finding the book group). Sad. Lucky for us, though, email was invented, and we continued chatting away, procrastinating from work, and discussing books and celebrities electronically! We also mail each other books and magazine clippings on the regs, and have even met up a time or two *in person!* when A's accompanied her husband back to Chicago for work trips. We're due for another meet-up, especially since her magically adorable bebe is now a whole year old! But anyway, back to this rehashing of the awards fashion. Basically, following each big Red Carpet event, we spend the entirety of the week cracking ourselves up by discussing the wins and losses fashion-wise, and musing over why we don't get paid to do this.

So for the first time, we're offering up our brilliance for public consumption. You're welcome. We'll start off slow and then throw a little more at you as the day/week goes on. You're welcome again.

First things first: Best and Worst. I'll go first. I'll narrow down (omg, can I do this?) my three bests and worst (of the moment, that's my compromise, take it or leave it), and add my comments below them. Then A will do hers. And we'll add our own comments to each other's in other colors (other colors = fancy). Here we go...

Here are M's BEST looks of the night (though not really in any specific order, because you're asking too much of me, dag you!):

1) Maria Bello. She's a random, I'll give you that. But I missed her on the Red Carpet and so when she walked out on my TV to present toward the end of the night, I "Holy Crap!"ped that screen like there's no tomorrow. She always plays such rough and gruff women, so her hotness is sadly, SADLY underplayed. She looks fantastic. And while we've seen lots of metallics and one-shoulders before, the pattern and fit and styling make this look fresh and amazing all-around. I love her hair and her skin looks bright and perfect. Winning!

A: AGREED! I will say though that this photograph does not do the dress justice - it was 1000 times better on television with the movement. When I saw Maria, I said "BAM" aloud. She is smokin' hot.

2) Elizabeth Moss. I know A is picking her, too, so normally I'd try to pick someone else just for variety's sake, but I'm just so pleased as punch at how GREAT she looked. She's finally arrived! I mean, the nude color of the fabric gives the lace overlay details room to shine, the sleeve details (like dripping lace!) are basically to die for, the wispy-ness of the bottom of that skirt is sweet and perfectly-placed, and her hair color and styling, makeup, and light accessories are meticulous. She looked amazing.

A: See my list. I couldn't agree more.

3) Aubrey Plaza. I think my raging comedy crush on Aubrey might make me a little biased, but whatever. It's my blog post. I can do what I want. I just loved everything about this look. And while there were several other contenders, I knew we'd cover them in other categories of posts, so I could take Aubrey's pretty pretty pic and run with it. Maybe because her character on Parks and Rec is so snarky and teen-angsty the grown-up-ness of this look just took my breath away. My notes from last night (yes, I took notes) say "Yowza! Hair! Color! Halter! Makeup!"--which basically sums it up for me. A good halter just does so much for a woman's frame. Her body looks fantastic. The white is elegant and refined. Her hair looks sophisticated and yet not too old, her eyebrows look perfect, and I'd like to know what color that lipstick is, because I'm pretty sure it's the perfect berry red-pink. In an email exchange, A didn't love the symmetry of the big bangles, but I kind of love it. I'm a bracelet girl, so they work for me. On the other hand, does it look to anyone else like her left side is much lower than her right (or her left arm is longer than her right?). Oh well, she doesn't have to be perfectly body-balanced for this to work. Am I right!

A: Admittedly, I don't love this. As M mentioned, I have a problem with the symmetry of the bracelets. I love her hair (how does she get that perfect relaxed wave, I would like to know!) and I second that lipstick choice. I think the dress calls attention to the fact that she has a pretty straight figure (I myself like more curvy proportions), but, if you go for it, she nails the Greek Goddess look.

And M's WORST of the night:

1) Without any question, and I hate myself as much for feeling this way as I do for typing it, but worst of the night goes to Julianna Margulies. <exaggerated frowny face> I just can't believe this is her. She is always impeccable. And this... this just makes me sad. Seriously, can we agree that her stylist has to be fired? First of all, Ugh. Second of all, the top is so weird. What are those things stuck on there?! Candies? Third of all, and this speaks to one of my biggest disappointments of the night in general, but the styling is piss-poor. While her face/skin/glow are as gorgeous as ever, her hair looks terrible. Fuzzy, even. Her makeup looks a little greasy. And there are absolutely zero ZERO accessories. I'm not sure what accessory would have helped this look out, but something! Not even a bracelet or a clutch?! Finally, the biggest disaster is the hemming. Or lack thereof. Makes me think she had a different dress lined up and something happened to it, because the bottom of this dress looks like a sleeping bag. Clumpy, baggy, BAD. It feels good to get all that out of my system.

A: I am so glad you picked this because she was on my train wreck list too. The Good Wife goes BAD. VERY BAD. SO DISAPPOINTING. I mean, this woman is stunning. Who they heck thought that picking this dress, remniscient of a chandelier, was a good choice?

2) Padma Lakshmi. Okay, basically this is a nightie, right? And she has sex hair. She looks terrible. Point blank. I mean, I don't get it. Padma's gorgeous, right? Maybe she comes off as a bi*ch, fine. But there's no denyin' she's a looker. Yet somehow, she invariably looks a mess on the RC (that's Red Carpet shorthand). I've never thought "wow, Padma looks great." I've never even thought she looks good. How can that be? The color's fabulous, for sure. But it starts and stops there. I don't even need to go on.

A: That's why you have me here, M. I WILL go on...First of all, this is pulling at the seams so obviously in places. I will never understand why people don't focus on the FIT of the dress, rather than the number (size). "YOU WILL LOOK BETTER IF YOU WEAR A BIGGER DRESS", I often am yelling at the TV. Second of all, why is she so greasy looking? Third, the center seam/slit is all wack-a-doo. Fourth, I feel like she was thinking she was going to pull a Halle Berry with this dress. She doesn't even get the Junior Varsity Halle Berry award. Fifth...OK. I'm exhausted. Bottom Line: THIS IS A HOT MESS.

3) Julianne Hough. I almost forgot about her until I was flipping through some slideshows and choke-laughed at this photo below. Poor Julianne is a really pretty girl. And she has a fierce-ferocious figure that she's completely pretending doesn't exist here. The proportions are easily the worst ever on anyone in the history of the world. Her head looks teeny-tiny, and it doesn't help that her hair is pulled so tightly that she may as well be bald. The shape of the neckline is too much. The black is too much with the pink. It's also probably the worst pink possible. The bottom is ENORMOUS. She's so little - why such a ginormous dress? Why?! And, continuing with the theme - grease-tastic. Where are her people and why aren't they following behind her with handy-wipes?

A: She doesn't even look like herself here! Her face/hair remind me of the sister wife that Chloe Sevingy plays on Big Love. UGH. I am over the greasiness factor too. Yes, it was hot on the red carpet (as everyone just kept bringing up on the red carpet) but that is no excuse for not carrying powder/blotting papers/SOMETHING.

There they are. There were MANY other contenders for both categories for me, but I (M) think these are the creme de la creme of the best and worst for me (M).

Hello Owlet Readers! Here are my BEST looks of the night (again in no particular order):

1) Evan Rachel Wood:
Sigh. Old Hollywood glamour at its finest. It's black, it's sparkly and it has short sleeves! I thought ERW nailed the whole look - the accessories, the hair, the makeup and that dress:


Gleeker Lea Michelle gets all the buzz for posing, but I think ERW could take her down.

M: Yeah, I think I knew you were going to pick her, so I left it to you, and high-five, A, you nailed it. Everything about this look is flawless. If you're going to wear a black dress on the RC, it's got to be the black dress, and this one is it. The sweep of that neckline is amazing. The shoulders are so flattering. The sparkle is perfect. It's hugging every single curve perfectly, which makes ERW look va-va-voom - a hard thing to do for someone so tiny. Beautiful. And perfect accessories, hair, makeup, etc. Love.

2) Emily Blunt:
There admittedly as arm candy for The Office's John Krasinski, but this arm candy knocked it out of the park. The dress is a beautiful shade of navy and has great detail to set it apart. The hair, makeup and accessories are all subdued to let the dress shine. And shine it does:



M: So, John Krasinsky looked pretty great, too, but his charming good looks are always going to be out-shined by his gloriously glamorous and gorgeous wife. A said it all above - this dress is divine, and the whole look is lovely.

3) Elizabeth Moss:
I was so happy to see Peggy get it right...Finally! I thought she looked beautiful in this nude number. Those of you who follow the red carpet will know that nude is a look that Ms. Moss has tried again and again and failed at (in my humble opinion). Girl finally discovered some bronzer!



M: You know what I think about this already. I'll reiterate in a word: swoon.

A's WORST:
1) Paula Abdul. Straight up {someone should have told her}, "Paula, your dress is crooked." I noticed it on the red carpet and tried to throw Paula a bone thinking it was just the camera angle. Nope - the dress is crooked. Dress goes one way, body goes another. The silver belt, which likely serves to illuminate a small waist, does the opposite and makes her look thick. Something about the proportions of this dress are all off with the skirt tiering. And of course, that hair. Always over the top.



M: "Straight up {someone should have told her}," is maybe one of the funniest things you've ever said, A! I wanted to come up with another good reference, but all I can think of on the spot is "two steps forward, two steps back," which doesn't apply here, because no one's stepping forward. I guess all I can say is that if Paula suddenly shows up looking amazing, THAT will be what surprises me. Her appearance on our worst-dressed list is expected. I do like the color combo, though - that shade of blue with the sparkle *should* work.

2) Paz de la Huerta. HA HA HA. This just makes me laugh and think, Really?! What mirror are you looking in before you leave your hotel room, Paz? The Emmy Red Carpet...With Zombies. Sigh. Nothing about this is good.


M: ZERO words for this. ZERO. (a little vomit, though). Okay, I take that back. I have something to say, but it's not about the look, which... well, like I said, no words. It's another virtual high-five to A for word play magic: Red Carpet Zombies is another winner!

3) Jane Krakowski. MAYBE if this dress were ironed, she wasn't orange, her hair wasn't so Heather Locklear circa 1982 and that dress didn't have the netting insert....NAH. This is terrible all around. Elizabeth Moss, please give Jane your bronzer tips.

M: Yeah, what A said. She's another one who regularly disappoints. YOU SHOULD LOOK WAY BETTER THAN THIS, JANE! YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! (do you think she heard us?)

So there's your first (albeit long) sampling of our reactions. More to come. We both took lengthy notes. Whatever, don't judge, you'll come to appreciate our note-taking skills. And wit.
 

Feels Like Home

Now that I've begun to make peace (sort of) with the close of summer, I'm officially transitioning into one of the things about fall that makes me wistful and nostalgic: feeling sorry for myself for not living in New England at this time of year. Nothing says "Welcome, Fall" like New England foliage changes... I'm partial to Western Massachusetts, of course, but that's just me. The 413 never looks more beautiful than it's about to start looking... and I'm missing it. Pity Party commences... now!

So, to send you off into a true fall weekend, here's a beautiful shot I found of our (apparently I speak now for all Western Massachusetts-ians, or at least all Pioneer Valley-ers) stunning Quabbin Reservoir in fall (how pretty is it where I grew up, for crying out loud?!). I've already made this my desktop wallpaper:

(photo by John Burk, via Fine Art America)

Next week we're trying something new here at Owlet. I'll be co-blogging with my good friend A to recap the Emmy's fashion, a tradition we usually repeat over extensive email exchanging in the week following any/all awards shows, and which we're finally launching for public consumption.

In the meantime... who wants some warm apple cider?! Happy Weekend...

"Lazy" Fitness

Here's another fitness fix for you. I found this on Pinterest, and I'm going to do it for a month and assess the impact. I figure, for those days when I just can't get to the gym, or just can't get motivated to run, I can, at minimum, do a daily quickie fitness regimen, right? Join me -- these aren't hard at all! We start Monday.






P.S., following the links on the pin, I discovered that this originated on this Tumblr - which is awesome. Already added it to my Reader.