2013 Oscars Red Carpet

We are back with an Oscar Red Carpet post, albeit reluctantly. In our collective objection to the general disappointment of this year's Academy Awards in total (fashion and production and everything else), we're only doing one post. That's all this year's show warrants, and no one is more annoyed by this than we are, we assure you. In fact, our working title for this post was something to the effect of "The Okay, the Less Good, and the Blah." That about sums it all up, we think. That said, here are a few thoughts because even we can't let the Show of All Award Shows go by without comment.

The "Best"... Naomi Watts

M: We're giving "best" to Naomi Watts for being the only interesting look to walk down that carpet the entire night. She actually really looked amazing, I think. But she was also the only one who did something different, fashion-forward, even slightly risky. And she pulled it off to perfection. The hemming and fit in general were flawless, her hair and makeup looked great, and her arm candy was handsome. What more could you ask for? A whole bunch of stars acting like stars would be a start, but you can't always get what you want.

A: Agreed. Loved this because it was different.

The "Worst"... Kristen Stewart

M: I just want to punch her in the face. Brush your hair, fix your makeup, stop slouching. All of that goes without saying, I think. But most importantly, PRETEND you care. PRETEND you have some respect. It's the freaking Academy Awards. If you think it's below you, you don't have to show up. You can decline an invitation to present. For someone who maybe needs to work on her public image given some recent revelations on her character, you'd think she could at least FAKE IT. What an A-hole. That's all I see here.

A: M, I wish you could have seen my attempt at imitating how she was walking during our book club meeting last night. What is wrong with this girl and why is no one helping her!

The Rest
This grouping summarized the "others" that people are sort of kind of maybe talking about. As we said, this year's showing was meh at best. So no real stand-outs one way or the other, but a few worth mentioning...

Anne Hathaway

M: This girl loves a costume change. Remember when she hosted and changed at least 300 times during the show? Gah. She wore two other dresses Sunday night, and both were better than this. There's all kinds of chitter-chatter about her nipples and her side boob, but whatever. It's essentially a bridesmaid dress. The back could have been pretty if the knot were tied better. And most offensive (and keep in mind, I still feel "meh" about it overall) to me is the idiotic necklace that totally doesn't go with the neckline and looks like it's from Claire's in 1994. Blah.

A: Bridesmaid dress...early 90s prom dress...just no. I could not stop starting at her nipples, for the record. Plus, the tie in the back was sort of just thrown together. This paired with the wrinkles was just not what the Best Actress winner should have been wearing. I'm sorry.

Jennifer Lawrence

M: This dress is actually pretty cool. I do wish she'd worn a necklace. I also wish she knew how to climb onto a stage without tripping or allegedly ripping her designer dress. This dress could have had a great Oscars Moment, but I think the styling was boring, and also wish it had been in a fun, young color. Am I wrong?

A: I liked the "go big or go home"-ness of it. I mean, where else would you wear something like this? I really liked her Vanity Fair party dress way better than this but thought it was a pretty, age-appropriate, yet very safe choice for her. I really like JLaw and I thought the trip up the stairs made her seem more real, as oppossed to let's say... Anne Hathaway.

Charlize Theron

M: So, this was kind of boring to me. Especially for Charlize (remember that giant shoulder bow?!). It also was too reminiscent of Anne Hathaway's Golden Globes number, which I think is too bad. Fine, she's gorgeous and could wear a paper grocery bag and look amazing. But still, I want more for the Oscars. Shouldn't she? I also think that with her hair being so (sorry!) butch right now, a softer neckline would have done more for her. She looked a bit Amazonian, which she pulls off for sure, but... eh.

A: Ok, she looked fantastic, but you're right. It's a little boring. This woman can bring it, no doubt. I just wish she would have!

Jessica Chastain

M: You know what, she looked great. If the night hadn't been such a lazy snore, I might have remembered that better. I'll give her credit - she looked like she knew she was going to the Oscars and that it was a big deal. Good for her.

A: This was a best dressed nominee for me (to borrow a phrase from my favorite show, Fashion Police). After a list of ill-fitting dresses on this season's Red Carpet, she really nailed it with this. Her hair and makeup were PERFECTION.

Halle Berry

M: You know why this is "meh" for me? Because Halle herself looks exactly the same ALL THE TIME. The dress is actually amazing. But she NEVER styles herself any other way, so she just disappears for me. If she'd done different hair and some better accessorizing, I think this dress would have made me jump out of my chair. But she did her same-old in a statuesque dress (instead of a flowy leg-posey one) and so I stayed put in my seat. As usual. Grr.

A: I thought this was a TINY bit out of the norm for Halle. Yes, her rack is still on display, but at least her legs remained covered! Fashion Police called her out for having the same hairstyle for too long and I totally agree. She can rock the short hair...now move on!

Amy Adams

M: You know what, just one mistake here. This happened in 2007. So anything like it will always be less-than and just referential. STOP TRYING PEOPLE! IT WILL NEVER BE AS AMAZING AS WHEN PENELOPE DID IT AND NO ONE HAD EVER SEEN IT BEFORE. Something new in this same color would have wowed, I think. Because the color on her skin is glorious. And her hair/makeup look fantastic.

A: AMEN. (That Penelope Cruz dress is one of my all time faves!)

We could post a few more [Reese Witherspoon (fit was weird), Jennifer Garner (color was pretty, but that was a lot of junk ON her trunk), Amanda Seyfried (she looked like she was choking, and much older than she really is), Jennifer Hudson (very pretty -- not exciting per se, but pretty), Sandra Bullock (take that bauble off your head and do something different please next time?), Nicole Kidman (like J.Hud--very pretty, actually, and showed that she has some womanly shape and isn't too waify, but just didn't Wow)], but downloading all those photos takes more work than this Red Carpet was worth. Let's just call it like it was (Meh) and let it go. Here's hoping next year's carpet has some more drama. Even bad drama. But something worth talking about!

What do you think? Are we wrong? Did someone knock your socks off and we missed it?