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19 September 2011

Emmy 2011 Recap #2: Breasts, Ta-Tas, Bazooms, Puppies, Girls--Yep, It’s a Boob Post

(Posted by A)

Boobs can make or break a dress, so we thought we would recap the good, the bad, and the ugly of Emmy Carpet BOOBS! Who did a great job containing the ta-tas? Who needs some lessons on What Not To Wear? Read on!

The Good
1) Sofia Vergara:
WOWSA this woman has a body. She can, however, have a tendency to show a little too much boob on the RC. I thought her choice of dress for the Emmy's was fantastic - it shows off the breasts, but in a classy way.

M: I totally agree. I thought she hit the nail on the sexy hourglass head. Is that gross sounding? Grow up. I was having fun with word play, not being pervy. Everything about this dress worked, not to mention that fabulous poppy color, which stood out among the overwhelming reds around her. I also love the variation on that one-shoulder look. There's something very simple and subtle about this dress that just steps Ms. Vergara up above her own previous looks. Though she's just flippin' gorgeous, so, have at it, lady, boobs or not.

2) Rashida Jones:
I am never one to like strapless dresses. Personally, I feel they look wrong way more often than they look right. However, the bodice of Rashida's dress is great and there is no sagging. Well structured and well supported.

M: A very safe RC look, to be sure. However, a great example here of the "Good" A is discussing. Lovely. I love the criss-cross on that bodice over her boobs. And the color is pretty, if reminiscent of blush and bashful.

3) Adrianna Palicki
In other good bust-line cut news, this is a sweetheart neckline done just right. Her bodice looks amazing and fits like a glove!

M: I agree whole-heartedly, though I have no idea who this Adrianna gal is. Again, I love a halter and what it can do for the neckline/shoulders. This is the exact right cut/cup for her (ahem) size.

4) Amber Riley:
Full Bust Adjustment (FBA) done well. Christina Hendricks, take note:

M: She really looked fantastic. And to tag along on the FBA train, I think she *always* gets it right in this department. CH can/should take note by looking back at lovely Amber's full RC portfolio.

5) Julie Bowen (aka Claire Dunphy):
I was so happy to see the Dunphys both win an Emmy. Although I will say that I think Julie Bowen needs to eat a cheeseburger or two because she is getting that rib-tastic look, this dress was daring but not trampy thanks to a lot of double-sided tape. This is a dress made for a smaller bust (duh!) - and Julie works it.

M: I have no additional comments on the dress, because A sums it all up. However, how uncomfortable and awkward does Claire Julie look here. She needs to take a posing class from Lea Michele or Evan Rachel Wood. Also: Three Cheers for the Dunphys!

The Bad
1) Julia Stiles:
This is a beautiful dress. A great color, nice use of lace, good construction. However, please focus on the left breast. FLOPity FLOP. Banana boob at it's best.

M: I don't know why, but I have a weird distaste for Ms. Stiles usually. I'm not sure what it is. I wanna like her. Anyway, in spite of that, I thought she looked lovely last night. That is, until A pointed out Ol' Floppy Flop over there. Is it the pose? What could make that happen in such a one-sided manner? I like the lace though.

2) Jane Lynch's Red Carpet Dress:
This is a beautiful color choice for Jane. However, there is not enough support in the bodice to give Jane a boost. TOO much space between shoulder and bust - the dress looks like it is about to fall off, which leads me to bring up the other thing I dislike about strapless dresses - they seem to lend themselves to the frequent tug and yank to avoid a Janet Jackson "incident."

M: Yes. I totally agree. I also think this dress is so forgettable! Especially in light of that great sparkly dark silver number in which she started the show. Best of the night for Jane, that one was! Though her makeup looks fab. And I like that cuff.

3) Ariel Winter:
How old is this girl? This dress is way too mature and boob-tastic for her.

M: I emailed A about this as I was watching last night because I was horrified that little Alex Dunphy was so boobalicious. She clearly blossomed over the summer. I think we should mail her a copy of Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret. That book helped me out. TMI? Sorry. Too booby and age-inappropriate.

Ooh! M. Good book placement! Is it bad that part of my wanting to name my first-born daughter Margaret was because of this book?

M: Not in the slightest. I'd expect nothing less. And now I'm a little jealous I didn't think of that.

The UGLY (aka Boobs Gone Wild)
1) Christina Hendricks. SHOCKER. M & I actually wrote the banter for this dress well before we saw it just because CH always has the same problem: those knockers. I will never figure this out - they seem to contain and tastefully accentuate them ALL OF THE TIME on Mad Men. CH's character, Joan, is a KNOCKOUT. However, on the red carpet - the girls always seem ready to KNOCK someone OUT. I will say that this is a step in the right direction for Christina - the dress is great and had they done a FBA, it might have even fit her.

M: I have to admit I was a tad disappointed last night when I first saw her, because it wasn't *as bad* as I was expecting, given that we already had copy ready to go for a post on CH. That said, good for her. Those puppies are way-better-wrangled here than usual, and I think she put in a concerted effort to achieve that. I like the color on her beautiful alabaster skin, too. HOWEVER (and I recognize that this is straying off the boob-path)... her hair looks a disheveled mess, her makeup looks a tad crazy, and her one eye looks droopy, maybe? My notes also indicate that on TV her teeth looked gross... But B+/A- on the boobs! 

2) Brooke Burke
This picture does not really show how the dress was barely holding on when Brooke Burke moved.

M: I disagree. I think this picture shows quite well how barely-held-in those ladies are. Also, the hair.

3) Retta.
Another one who needs a lesson in FBA from Amber Riley. We were looking for another "Ugly" boob contender when I (M) recalled in a flash this moment from last night's carpet. It's understandable that I didn't remember it explicitly, though, and had to go digging, because obviously I was blinded by the color and knocked out by an un-harnessed boob attack brought on by the total lack of chest support from which Ms. Retta is clearly suffering. There's a bruise where I got hit, but it's healing. My eyes are seared, though, and I have to wear sunglasses for 12-14 days to let my corneas heal. At least I have cute sunnies. I like Retta, though... Maybe Amber will host a class for those beautiful well-endowed ladies and we'll never have to have this discussion again after this RC. A, what do you think?

A: I honestly did not have any notes on this woman and while we were searching for ugly boobs #3, M sent me the link. I think "Blinded by the Light" started playing the minute I opened that link. SHAZAM.

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